Stewarding the Space Between Us
Several years ago, I came across a statement about carefully stewarding the space between us. I do not remember where this statement came from. I do remember how profoundly it impacted me.
I believe I am more intentionally about my interactions today than I was when I first encountered this statement. And I believe there is room for improvement. I would also say that our species could do better. Indeed, I would say that such stewardship is essential for the human species if we are going to navigate the complex challenges we face today.
As we consider the space between us, it is worth mentioning the paradox underlying this concept. Our senses tell us that there is a gap between us and others – between us and the world around us. Both our spiritual teachings and our science tells us something different. They state that we exist inside a web of relationships with one another… with the world around us… with Source…
This paradox creates an inherent tension between our need to claim our unique identity as a human being and our need for belonging, to be part of the whole.
In the Courage to Teach, Parker Palmer speaks about “the profoundly opposite truths that my sense of self is deeply dependent upon others dancing with me and that I still have a self when no one wants to dance.” These truths are interdependent. However much we may value our individuality, we really cannot exist in isolation. In fact, much of what is unique about each of us is developed in the context of relationship.
Stewardship of the space between us brings these two aspects of our humanness into balance. It supports us in truly honoring and respecting one another. It creates the space for us to realize our full potential. And it allows us to intertwine our ideas and collaborate in building a better future.
So how can we steward the space between us?
First, we can listen, and listen deeply. Many of our interactions with people are transactional. This is very efficient and helpful for making decisions about where to go for dinner, obtaining information, or paying for a service. However, these interactions are superficial and provide us with little understanding of the person we are interacting with. They really don’t address the space between us. To move into that space, we can pause, pay close attention to the other person and seek to connect with them on a heart level. This can include paraphrasing and asking questions that evoke deeper meaning.
Second, we can pay attention to our tendency to move into debate mode. When we are passionate about something, it is easy for our conversation to become focused on convincing the other person of the rightness of our ideas. This leaves little room for the other person’s ideas – and they might just have something valuable to offer. Hearing their perspective might deepen our understanding and provide us with the opportunity to create something together.
Finally, we can make a commitment to kindness, and respect in all situations with all people. We can choose to treat everyone with dignity. We can attempt to place ourselves in the other person’s shoes, recognizing that each of us is much more than we seem and we are more similar than we are different..
Stewardship of the space between us requires courage and vulnerability. It takes humility and a willingness to cross uncertain territory. And it creates the space for healing because it brings us into wholeness with one another. Intentional stewardship of the space between us allows us to enter the space of Oneness, which creates incredible possibilities for us and our world.